Roid Rage Aint Got Nothin On Me

It's been awhile...I know. I'm sorry it has taken me so long to catch up. A lot has gone on since my last post...mostly a sporadic change in myself. An emotional change occurs inside of you when you are pregnant. It's extremely hard to explain except to those who have experienced it themselves, however I will try.  As your baby grows, you get a whole new perspective of what's important, who's important, and what truly matters in life. I reflect back on myself a year ago and see that I had wasted so much time on pointless things and pointless fears. I concentrated on the "what ifs" instead of living in the now. Some would call this change maturing...I would call it finding your true self. This pregnancy has been more than just a joy, it has been a life changing experience. God has been so good to me and I am SO SO blessed. NOW on to the funny post that this is supposed to be!

Speaking of changes in myself....I am pretty sure I have developed a boatload of new diseases/conditions as my pregnancy has progressed. "What the heck?" is a phrase that runs through my head 1,000 times a day. Let me explain. You see, I find myself doing, thinking, saying things that I have never done before. It can come off extremely hysterical, however it can also totally creep some people out. Here is a list of the things I have experienced:

1. Roid Rage/Bipolar disorder: one second i'm fine and the next second I am flipping out for the smallest reasons. "Why is your underwear on the floor? I just picked up this floor and there is your dumb underwear 1 foot from the basket! Pick the stupid things up!" Why this occurs is beyond me. Roid rage does not hold a candle to hormone rage.

2. OCD: your mind becomes obsessed on one thing. I must get Kinley's blankets washed, I must fold her blankets, I must re-fold this blanket so it matches the other blanket, I must rearrange her blankets by thickness in the drawer, maybe I should have put the fluffy ones on the left not the right.....STOP!!

3. Alzheimers: I have lost my phone, where is my phone, oh wait i'm on it. Ok good....now where are those things that turn on my car (what the heck are they called?) and where the heck are they?
Me: "Honey where are those things that turn on the car?"
Ike: "What are you talking about?"
Me: "Uggh you know those things (making a gesture)"
Ike: "Keys?"
Me: "Yes thank you!! I found them....going to the store. love you!"

4. Schizophrenia:  I am in the laundry room matching socks up and having a perfectly good conversation....WITH MYSELF! Since when did I start to talk to myself? I will get an occasional "What?" from the living room. "Oh nothing honey, I am just talking to myself." Psycho

5. Hypochondriac: Do I look lower than yesterday? I better google it. My butt is numb....what does that mean? I will get on google. I have heartburn and I can't lay flat. Something must be wrong. I will get on google. Honey, I think I am losing fluid....oh wait. Nope false alarm I just have to pee. I haven't felt her move in awhile...maybe she has moved and I just didn't notice. Let me lie down and push on her. Oh wait there she goes. I hope my baby doesn't come out with poke marks all over her. Let me google it. I am keeping google in business! I wonder if they could cut me a check?

6. Anxiety Disorder: I seem to have my anxiety attacks in the morning before work or at 2 in the morning when I get up to pee. Now friends, this is not your normal worries that actually matter. This is things like "I hope I packed enough underwear in my hospital bag" or "What is going to happen to the dog when we go to the hospital" or "I hope I don't forget my makeup". But then again, I think this refers back to disorder #2.

So all you soon to be mommas or friends that want a baby some day BEWARE! These may happen to you too! I just hope they fade after, or I will be a walking medicine cabinet and serious entertainment for my family.