A list of lessons

Kinley is already a year and a half! This past year and a half has brought on a lot of self reflection. I think all new moms go through this. It's not just you anymore. When I reflect on high school I see how small that time was. Every problem seemed so big, yet it was so tiny compared to the things I have faced on the outskirts of the town I grew up in. I barely recognize myself from back then to the person I am today. When reflecting on the college years I see how I started to truly live and find out who I was. Even within the past 5 years I have learned a ton about the people around me and how the "real world" works. In celebration for surviving the first year and a half as a new mom, I wrote down these lessons and/or insights I have gained over time so that I may one day share them with Kinley. I am sharing this with you also, so that you may be encouraged to write a list for your son, daughter, or younger family member too. While reading, remember that I am in no way perfect and some of these I am continuing to work on myself.  I am scared that as I grow older I will forget these insights, so now is my time to share!!! Enjoy!

1. Your brain and your heart will often give you a different opinion. In my experience, neither is always right. reflect on what both are telling you and make your choices carefully.

2. I see you like no one else does. My mom always used to tell me that she loves me in a way that she can't explain and that one day I would understand. The past year and a half has made her point crystal clear. There is nothing you could do or say that would change my love for you. My love is endless.

3. The popular choice is not always the right one. Standing alone in a decision is better than standing with others who are choosing wrong.

4. When you are doing something that doesn't feel right then it is probably wrong. Follow your gut.

5. Do not speak unkind words. If you have to whisper for fear of getting caught or fear of hurting others, then don't speak them at all.

6. Be open to others who are different from you politically, religiously, culturally. You just may learn something and realize that you are more alike than you think.

7. Your wedding is something you will look forward to and want to plan years before you meet your match. Just remember that after the party is over you will be left with sore feet and the husband you chose. Choose wisley...I know I did.

8. Peer pressure is a strong force. If you beleive a choice or action is wrong then don't do it. I know it may feel like the world is against you, but I promise later on you won't regret it.

9.  Some choices that you make may make you "uncool" to others, however the same things that made you "uncool" then will be the things you are proudest of later.

10. I promise that the things I do not allow you to do are not because I am out to get you. I am protecting you from things that you cannot protect yourself from yet.

11. You get ONE body. It is yours and yours only. Take care of it and give it respect.

12. You will come in contact with people who do not like you no matter how great I tell you you are. These people will be either bitter or jealous. Be kind to them anyway and continue to live happily.

13. You cannot please everyone. If you try to you will end up being the unhappy one.

14. Spread God's light through actions by showing kindess, unselfishness, and good deeds to others. This will shine through stronger that any words you preach.

15. Sex can wait, I promise. A mom's wish for their daughter is for this irreplacable gift be given to your husband. I know that I cannot protect you from this, however I am going to try. I just ask that you choose very wisely. A huge piece of your heart will be given away that day and you cannot ever get it back.

16. You have filled my life with more joy and love than I can even begin to explain. Thank you for this precious gift.

17. High school is a time you use to find out who you are and how you want to be. Learn from the experiences and use them down the road. Your life is just beginning.

18. Having children is the best blessing live can give you, but you MUST live selfishly first. Experience plenty of life without children, so you can truly enjoy life with them. I am so greatful that I did this.

19. Heartbreak is awful. I believe that it is one of the worst pains you will know. I promise that it WILL pass. Know that when you experience this, I have been there and I am ready to love you through it.

20. Be the bigger person. ALWAYS. You won't regret it and the other person often ends up looking like a fool even if you don't see it.

21. I was born with a gift of seeing people's true intentions and almost always judge a person's character correctly. If you have this gift listen to it.

22. Beauty fades on the outside. Be beautiful on the inside too.

23. Do not change your beliefs, morals, or goals for anyone. If they are meant to be in your life then they will just fit.

24. If your father, mother, or family does not like someone you are dating or hanging out with there is probably a reason. Ask why and actually listen.

25. Speak your mind respectfully and follow your heart. For years I bottled up my thoughts and opinions for fear of being judged. DON'T DO THIS. "Do what you feel in your heart to be right - for you'll be criticized anyway."

SRE Crew!

Blog #1- From teacher to.....well i'm not sure yet

Not-so-quick catch up- I have taught for four years as a second grade teacher. I moved with Ike to OKC and I find myself wondering what in the heck I am going to do with myself. I have said since we got the news that I am going to stay home and nanny. Yes I am still trying to convince myself of this. I have not ever known anything but teaching. What am I thinking? I have the chance to stay home, yet I am still hanging on to the small idea of going back at least part time. Why  would I want to go back you might ask? Because Sendera Ranch Elementary was my home. It was my life and I was good at it. It gave me the ability to act on the compulsion to always be in control (a trait that all teachers have...admit it). It gave me the feeling of being needed. It gave me the comfort of acceptance every day. It gave me the ability to add my personality into small bits and pieces. What is the part I will miss the most though? The badass teacher friends I made along the way ( a perk I have found about not teaching is that I can say badass without feeling a bit of guilt...badass...yep that feels good)! We were there for each other. Even if they weren't on the same team as me. Even if we weren't at the same school together.

I look back and see Wendy and I. We started together from the beginning. I remember going into her room and crying my first year telling her that I didn't know what in the hell I was doing or when I was attacked like a spider monkey in the classroom. I remember when Eli was born and the scare we had when we thought he was coming too early. I also remember meeting her and thinking that she talked really fast...I can now translate Wendy's language for anyone else. We have been through more together than most friends go through. We shared secrets and knew they would say inside the four walls. We just get each other....and I miss that.

I look back at this year and see Heather. Heather was the silent and steady one. I always went to her freaking out or raged by my very short temper. She would listen, shake her head, and give a few words of comfort/advice. She was the momma bird of the group. The one you could go to for anything. She was never stressed, never shaken, and could handle a pack of wild monkey children like no one else. Heather had another side too....one I seem to have brought out in her. We could be completely inappropriate together and know that neither judged. We joked about other things too, but those things cannot be discussed or I would have to kill you.

I look back and see Nicki. She was as loud and as outspoken as me. We were attached to one another (literally our rooms were attached) and we would often find ourselves coming to one another saying the same things! We were different than one another in many ways, yet blended perfectly. When I was shaken she would vent right along with me. When she was shaken, I was there too. The best part about Nicki is that she will make you laugh until you pee your pants. Her laugh is loud and contagious. I will miss laughing along with her next year and I know she will miss this Oklahoma white trash ;)

Now the last person I am going to write a eulogy on is Becky Bragg. She is my partner from the year before and my alter ego. I swear that if I came back to life as someone else, I would come back as her. We are SCARY alike. We can talk about nothing...seriously nothing. It is usually wildly inappropriate and would make most beleieve that we are both insane. I can call her and she will give me an honest answer. She will tell me when I am right and when I am wrong, even if she knows it's not what I want to hear. She gives it to me straight and I do the same for her. She knows me better than most. She knows that I can be a little crazy. She knows I cuss like a sailor. She knows my heart and my intentions. She know the whole me. If you don't know her...you should. She's amazing.

Small side notes about other memories I carry with me:

• Shea and her sweet notes just when you need them. Our venting sessions too.
• The third grade team at last years Christmas party. Y'all were freaking hilarious. I'm pretty sure Cheesecake Factory appreciated that we finally left.
• Kim and her sweet karaoke skills
• Megan and our math video "I love balls!"
• Jean and I at happy hour. Even if it was just us two
• Bev letting me vent...a little too often
• Cheri's voice when she reads to kids. It's pretty special.
• Sarah D and I at daycare duty...and happy hour....and out to dinner
• Michelle and her book....
• Suzie and her talk with me before I got married. Use your imagination.
• Jessica, Mary, and their hilarious convos with Sarah and I at the end of last year
• Hayley and her calling me every time there was a storm. I promise I won't let you die ;)
• Cyndee and I in the storage closet during training trying to be as modest as possible.
• Amy Morgan's dry sense of humor. I wasn't around it much, but when I was I loved it!
• Melissa Bufe's faith- enough said
• Merideth and her funny dry jokes
• Betty always asking about my family in OKC and genuinely caring.
• Tracey speaking up when we were all thinking it
• Lisa in staff development. She was fun, light hearted, and hilarious
• Emma for her sweet voice greeting the kids every day
• Amanda and I sharing looks in the hallway. Will we make it through the day?
• Courtney and her calm voice. She is quiet, but when she talks it means something
• Clair and our coffee visits in the morning
• Valerie on LSU days.
• Christina and her jokes that we all laughed at including her. She is a hoot
• Pat and the awesome art work she always stayed late to hang
• Charity and her stories at lunch. She cracks me up
• Jim and I at Fred Jones training trying to keep a straight face as we gave "the look"
• Jaime and her smile...ALWAYS a smile. Its contagious
• Frank greeting the kids as they came into gym and my comments of "run them to death" more often than not.
• Brandy and her kind heart. She is sincere and a beautiful person.
• Danette these last few months. She is wonderful and I love her opinions. She helped second grade out more than she will ever know.
• Jenn and her sweet voice on the Kinder website a few years ago. It brought me to tears. I only wish I had a voice like that.
• Delany and her awesome attitude. She was always up beat even when I knew it would have been way too much for me to handle so gently.
• And anyone else that I forgot...it was not intentional. I'm sure I have a crazy memory of us too!

I have several other memories that are flooding my brain, however I know I must stop typing an everlasting blog. I hope I covered everyone. My point is this: you all hold a special place in my heart. I am going to resist the temptation to go back to teaching for the sole fact that I am where I need to be. I am with Kinley. Plus, I hardly beleive that I would bond with anyone the way that I did with the SRE crew. You are amazing. Thanks for the memories! That is all.



Life is about to change

I guess the time has come to spread the news....as the song says "it's hard to find the perfect time to say something you know is gonna change everything." After lots of sleepless nights Ike and I have decided to move to Oklahoma City. Ike has accepted a position as a drilling engineer. Over the next 4 months our lives will drastically change. Ike will be leaving for OKC in 3 weeks to start his new career and I will be staying behind to finish my year as a teacher. We will be living separately...I know how hard this is going to be. I think Ike will have the hardest time being away from his sweet baby girl. We got an iPad so he can do FaceTime with us. That way even when he is not with us he can see Kinley. A lot of traveling is in our future! While Ike is away we will be staying with my in laws who have offered to put up with Kinley and I during this time. It will eliminate travel time in the morning and make the days not so lonely. I have the best and most supportive in laws.....without them we may not have had the courage to go. We are hoping to sell the house quickly! We shall see....once we get it sold we will get a rental home. Until then Ike will be living with my father. Lots of questions have been asked about what I will do when I get there. The answer is that I have no idea. Teachers get paid $11,000 less than what I make now and I am somewhat looking at it as a new start. I am driving myself crazy trying to figure out what I want to do. I guess I will cross that bridge when I get there.
I cannot tell you how incredibly bittersweet this is for me. It has always been my dream, even as a little girl, that my family would all be together. My bother and I have been apart since I was 9, my father and I since I was 5, and my mother and step father for the past 2 years. That doesn't even cover the cousins and grandparents. Ike is making one of my wishes come true and one of his! He is becoming an engineer just as he wanted to be. We know that it will open many doors and create a better life in the long run. Financially we will be able to support Kinley through college and become more stable. On the other hand, we are leaving the only thing we have ever known and leaving behind Ike's parents and his brother. My heart is so torn and aches for the pain I know they will feel when they miss Kinley. I feel guilt every time I think about it and know that there are many more tears to come. I pray every night that their hearts find comfort. I know how much I miss my family....so I know how much they will miss us.

As for now, we are taking it a day at a time. We will miss our friends and family here dearly, but will visit often and they can visit us. Stay tuned for the updates.... It will be quite the ride!

The Blog Challenge and Assignment 1

I have taken on a challenge that I am actually pretty excited about! A group of fabulous women are writing to a topic/prompt each week by Sunday. Since I am a new mom, I am way behind on assignment #1 so I will make it short and sweet. The others will be more thought out and a lot more interesting....promise! For those of you who are addicted or enjoy blogging, feel free to join in. You know how I love to read about others....not that i'm nosey, but more that I just want to know you. Anyway, for assignment #1 we were to write about our dream vacation. Anyone who even remotely knows me knows that I am in love with the ocean, so for my first stop I would go to Austrailia!

Australia has such a laid back atmosphere....it's full of wildlife that I love and of course is surrounded by ocean.

 I would snorkel and dive in the Great Barrier Reef,
and enjoy the cuisine and wine taste every night. Heck I may even hang with the koalas and box a kangaroo!

Next stop would be a bit East to New Zealand. New Zealand is one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen. It has beautiful mountains and incredible beaches. Who could want more? I would tour the countryside, check out the beaches, and do some hiking.

    



The last place in my adventure vacation would be my all time favorite stop. I would have to be dragged home by my hair. I'm afraid to visit, because I may never come back. Where am I talking about? That would be the beautiful Islands of Fiji. What would I do there? Absolutely nothing! I want to stay in a hut that extends out on the water with complete privacy. I want it to be so private that if I felt like swimming in my birthday suit it would be completely acceptable...who likes tan lines anyway? I am even having difficulty picking out pictures to share as I type, because they are all so breathtaking.....but, I guess all good things must come to an end. I would end my dream vaca with lots of memories, adventures to tell, and no tan lines ;) Guess I need to apply for my passport huh?

Therapy and Insight

Blogging is like therapy.. Some read blogs because they relate. Some read blogs because they are nosy. Some read blogs because they have nothing to do. I would like to believe that most read blogs because they genuinely like the person writing them. Whoever and however you are, I hope these 25 facts about me help you find something we have in common, feeds your curiosity (I knew it!), passes your time, or reinforces why you and I are friends in the first place.This has nothing to do with my sweet angel. I thought it would be fun to do something about me. A little self reflection...So my therapy begins...

1. I am extremely hot tempered and stubborn, but hide it extremely well
2. I hate competition, but I CAN"T STAND people who thrive on competition even more
3. I love pirates
4. I have an alter ego that I hide inside me. I love tattoos, art, and attitude
5. I don't judge anyone right off the bat, which has developed in me as I have grown into adulthood. I give everyone a chance no matter their looks, race, color, sexual orientation, etc. I do, however, judge if you have given me a reason to.
6. Once my trust is broken it is almost impossible to fully repair it
7. I'm horrible at keeping in touch with people, but would cross the U.S. for an old friend in need
8. My family is about as diverse as they come and to the outside world we look a bit crazy. I love each and every one of them just the way they are
9. I am an ultimate secret keeper
10. I dig old guys
11.I'm not a "pat myself on the back" kind of girl. I analyze everything and wonder how I could have done it better
12. I co-sleep with my child (uh-oh), breastfeed, and don't believe in "crying it out" Call me a hippie if you must
13. I don't go to church that often, but know what I believe and will back it 100%. I am strong in my belief.
14. I expect dedication in my relationships with people because I give dedication to them
15. I look back 10 years ago and don't even recognize myself
16.  I have horrible road rage
17. Family will always come first...I don't care how much money you offer me
18. I cuss...a lot, but I am working on it
19. I used to lack a backbone. That stage is over now
20. I love my job, even on the days when I think I don't. The kids need me and I need them. Loving them may be the only love they see each day. They fill my heart with joy
21. I hate medicine and often refuse to take it.
22. I love antiques and digging for treasures
23. Arrogance is disgusting to me. No one cares how much you make, who you know, how you are better than everyone else. Trust me, NO ONE wants to hear it
24.  I love with my whole heart and have been heartbroken many times before (no, not just by boys)
25. Today I am more me than I have ever been and happier with that than I have ever been. Could I be thinner? Yes....Could I make more money? Yes.....Could I move up in the world? Yes...but I am happy just where I am. I love my family and my diverse set of friends. I love my job. I love my husband and daughter. Life is good :)

I took this from a book that sits on my coffee table. "The Dash" by Linda Ellis talks to my heart every time I read it. I hope it finds a meaning in your heart too. Enjoy!

The Dash  by Linda Ellis Copyright 1998 I read of a reverend who stood to speak At the funeral of a friend He referred to the dates on her tombstone From the beginning to the end. He noted that first came the date of her birth And spoke of the following date with tears, But he said what mattered most of all Was the dash between those years. For that dash represents all the time That she spent alive on earth. And now only those who loved her Know what that little line is worth. For it matters not, how much we own; The cars, the house, the cash. What matters is how we live and love And how we spend our dash. So think about this long and hard, Are there things you'd like to change? For you never know how much time is left, That can still be rearranged. If we could just slow down enough To consider what's true and real And always try to understand The way other people feel. And be less quick to anger, And show appreciation more And love the people in our lives Like we've never loved before. If we treat each other with respect, And more often wear a smile? Remembering that this special dash Might only last a little while. So, when your eulogy's being read With your life's actions to rehash, Would you be proud of the things they say About how you spent your dash?

It's been a minute...

Actually it's been 2 months. Crazy how fast time flies when you have a baby and how little amount of down time you actually have.A lot has gone on since my last blog. From acid reflux, to colic, to explosive diapers...we have had our hands full to say the least! I just wanted to give friends and family a little update on Kinley's growth. Kinley will be 3 months old on July 19th. She is growing up so fast. When we took her for her 2 month checkup she was a healthy 10 lbs 13 oz (50% in weight), and 23 1/2 inches (80% in length). She also has a very small head (20%). The doctor said it was nothing to be concerned about. I myself have to buy kids hats...she got the small head from me ;) I am continuing to breastfeed, although we have been down a rough road with this. Kinley was diagnosed with reflux at 6 weeks old and spent 2 whole weeks screaming (especially during feedings) until the meds kicked in. She slept in her bouncer sitting up until this week. We have finally transitioned her to her little cot and the bed. YAY! So far Kinley is smiling, cooing, swatting at her toys on the play mat, baring weight on her legs when held in the standing position, holding her head up, and using a wide range of vowel sounds. We have conversations, however I think she is speaking French. Kinley has been sleeping 6+ hours a night straight and going 3-4 hours between feedings during the day (3-5 oz).
She just recently began her stubborn streak. She screams in her carseat until she falls asleep and lets you know when she is unhappy. I am hoping this passes quickly. Ike and I cannot wait to hear her laugh for the first time....just waiting any day now! I will post some videos soon so you can see her talking. It's pretty darn cute!

10 "Must-Haves" in the hospital bag

I have a lot of friends who are pregnant, trying, or thinking about trying so I thought I would do a quick blurp about things to bring to the hospital. Some of these I brought and some I wish I would have brought. Here are the 10 must-haves that I came up with.

1. Your own pillow: pack 2 for the hubby and a comfy blanket. The hospital supplies are horrible and you will want to be comfy.
2. Sweatpants and a T-shirt: You are so exhausted when you go home, there is no use in trying to fit into jeans. Plus you are sore and recovering if you know what I mean. Loose is best.
3. Clothes for your hubby: He won't want to leave, so make sure there are a couple days worth of socks and underwear.
4: Big granny panties: Not attractive, but you will need them.
5. Toiletries: The shower was my friend...it is the best shower you will ever take. Bring soap, shampoo, conditioner, and make-up for visitors.
6. Snacks: hospital food=nasty
7. A preemie outfit and a newborn outfit (include socks and a hat): Kinley was too small for newborn outfits, so a preemie outfit was a must. She lived in the same 2 for the first week.
8. A swaddle: The hospital provides a blanket, but the swaddles are so much easier to use and really snug. Kinley had a cheetah print one that she LOVED! The nurses all knew who she was and called her the cheetah burrito. Great memory
9. Notepad and pen: for gifts that arrive. Trust me you won't remember who got you what
10. Camera and CHARGER: no description needed

Catching Up

LABOR STORY

Ike and I arrived at the hospital a little before 7. I was to be admitted at 7:00 a.m. We pulled up and sat quietly in the parking lot. Ike asked if I was ready to go and I immediately burst into tears. I was scared...what was I scared of? EVERYTHING! I had been a very careful child (or as I like to call "graceful") and I had never experienced stitches, much less the hospital. The only exposure to the hospital that I had was all bad. My mother being really sick or my family members passing away....this was the only memory of the hospital that I had. So, what was I scared of?

1. The needles-I was the child that the nurse chased around the room while I screamed bloody murder...yeah I was "that" child.

2. Contractions

3. Pushing 

4. Kinley getting stuck

5. Water breaking

6. Bodily functions (girls know what I am talking about)

7. People seeing my naked...I don't care if you do this everyday, this is MY body

8. Breastfeeding

9. Recovery

Now before you read on, I will tell you that I am not the norm. Some things were better than normal and some things were worse than normal. If you don't want to know than STOP READING NOW!

When I was admitted I was asked to put on a gown and nothing else. The nurse just looked at me...I was thinking "privacy would be nice." Little did I know that goes out the window in about 3 seconds. So I went to the bathroom and changed. The nurse started to hook sensors up to me to monitor the baby and me. I felt like I was a science experiment. She then began the IV which is horrible. Sorry not going to sugar coat it...it stung! I looked at the nurse and said "check that off my list!" She said, "you have a list?" "Yes a list of all the things I am scared of." WOW it's the teacher coming out. Anyway, the fluids and Petocin was started. 

About 30 minutes later that doctor came in to check me and broke my water. I was having very small contractions but no biggy. She checked and I was at a 4 (have to make it to 10), which is rare. You usually show up at a 1 or so. I was so excited I was well on my way! The doctor took a minute to break my water and I checked another thing off my list. Not a horrible pain, but not comfortable either. MAN I am telling you it wasn't 2 minutes later and a huge contraction hit! I thought I was going to die! I have never experienced a pain like it. Your whole abdomen and back radiates sheer pain. As I told my family I would have rather been shot, punched in the face, or sat on my a sumo wrestler. Maybe all 3 at the same time. I looked at the nurse and asked when I could have my epidural. She said as soon as the bag of fluid was done. I looked up and not even a quarter was gone yet. I thought to myself "ok I want a C-section...i'm done with this." Not even 3 minutes went by and another one hit. "Oh Lord please get me through this!" I caught my breath and boom...another one.....45 minutes pass (I swear it was like half a day to me) and the fluids were done. Epidural here I come! The guy walks in and I tell him he is my best friend. He has me lean over in a sitting position and lay my head against the nurse's chest. He says, "let me know when you are having a contraction" I look at him and say I am having one all the time! They are so close together I can't tell when one starts and one ends. Now remember I am the psycho who is so afraid of needles that I have to have my hand held when I get a flu shot. I was in so much pain that I didn't care...stick that big ol needle in my back!!

I am telling you it was NO big deal. I didn't even feel it. What was my biggest fear should have been my least. 

After the epidural you are in heaven. It's a cake walk! I was as happy as could be....family even came in to say hello. They all made bets on how long it would be. An hour goes by and they check  me. I'm at a 6. The nurse tells me that if I feel pressure let her know and she will check again. Another hour goes by and I feel like I need to go to the bathroom...like NOW! I buzz her in and she is shocked to see I am at a 9. 30 more minutes and I am ready to push. It's not all dramatic like you see in the movies. It's actually rather calm. 45 minutes of pushing and she was out. 1:03 p.m. 7 lbs 8 oz and 19 1/2 inches long. After the birth my daughter was handed to me and everything else went fuzzy. Nothing else mattered...I remember looking at her and crying. They took her to measure and I began getting really sick. I was shaking uncontrollably and felt the need to throw up. It was so bad I couldn't hold Kinley. My family came in and I don't really remember much. I was completely out of it. During this time they remove the needles and moved me to my recovery room. It was a blur, but it was over. I SURVIVED!!

Light at the end of the tunnel

I usually try to make these posts funny, however Kinley's constant kicks to the ribs and shooting pains in places that will remain unnamed has made me lose my sense of humor. If you find it will you please return it to me asap? I just wanted to give everyone an update on the progression of our little girl. I went in on Friday for my Dr appointment. It was the first time that she has checked me for dilation and effacement. I begged her to please take it easy, as I was told by several people how painful it is. She reassured me that it would be fast, however uncomfortable. Actually, it wasn't bad AT ALL! There is a reason for this however....as she was doing the exam her eyes got really big and she looked surprised. Kinley was right there...just waiting for her arrival. The Doc told me that she was ready to go and that I was already 80% efface (you are at 100% when it is time to push) and 2 cm dilated (10 cm when time to push). She kept repeating "I mean she is right there!" over and over. I went ahead and booked my induce date for April 19th, however the Dr does not think I will make it that far. If for some reason I do, then Kinley will be born April 19th.

As I got up to leave, my Dr yelled, "see you next Friday if you are still pregnant!" It, in that moment, hit me. I could be a mommy at any moment now. I called Ike first and he was so excited he could hardly stand it. Then I called the rest of the world. Ike and I cleaned the house yesterday, finished packing our hospital bag, installed the car seat, and planted in the front/back yard. We wanted to get the rest of our "to-do" list done before Kinley makes her appearance.

Last night, after working most the day, I felt beat and was experiencing sharp shooting pains every few seconds. Kinley would not stop moving....it was the most I have EVER felt her. Even more than when she was smaller. Each move caused me to yelp in pain. I KNOW it wasn't contractions, because it was really quick and then would go away. I think she was giving me a little hint. "Mommy I am ready to be out!" Ike continued to stare at me like a hawk and would give a little smile every now and then. He is so ready to hold his little girl. The rest of the night was spent watching the Rangers with my hubby and spending the last few precious moments that we will have just us two. So bittersweet.

My next appointment is on Friday, so I will keep you updated! Now time to take bets...when will she arrive??

Roid Rage Aint Got Nothin On Me

It's been awhile...I know. I'm sorry it has taken me so long to catch up. A lot has gone on since my last post...mostly a sporadic change in myself. An emotional change occurs inside of you when you are pregnant. It's extremely hard to explain except to those who have experienced it themselves, however I will try.  As your baby grows, you get a whole new perspective of what's important, who's important, and what truly matters in life. I reflect back on myself a year ago and see that I had wasted so much time on pointless things and pointless fears. I concentrated on the "what ifs" instead of living in the now. Some would call this change maturing...I would call it finding your true self. This pregnancy has been more than just a joy, it has been a life changing experience. God has been so good to me and I am SO SO blessed. NOW on to the funny post that this is supposed to be!

Speaking of changes in myself....I am pretty sure I have developed a boatload of new diseases/conditions as my pregnancy has progressed. "What the heck?" is a phrase that runs through my head 1,000 times a day. Let me explain. You see, I find myself doing, thinking, saying things that I have never done before. It can come off extremely hysterical, however it can also totally creep some people out. Here is a list of the things I have experienced:

1. Roid Rage/Bipolar disorder: one second i'm fine and the next second I am flipping out for the smallest reasons. "Why is your underwear on the floor? I just picked up this floor and there is your dumb underwear 1 foot from the basket! Pick the stupid things up!" Why this occurs is beyond me. Roid rage does not hold a candle to hormone rage.

2. OCD: your mind becomes obsessed on one thing. I must get Kinley's blankets washed, I must fold her blankets, I must re-fold this blanket so it matches the other blanket, I must rearrange her blankets by thickness in the drawer, maybe I should have put the fluffy ones on the left not the right.....STOP!!

3. Alzheimers: I have lost my phone, where is my phone, oh wait i'm on it. Ok good....now where are those things that turn on my car (what the heck are they called?) and where the heck are they?
Me: "Honey where are those things that turn on the car?"
Ike: "What are you talking about?"
Me: "Uggh you know those things (making a gesture)"
Ike: "Keys?"
Me: "Yes thank you!! I found them....going to the store. love you!"

4. Schizophrenia:  I am in the laundry room matching socks up and having a perfectly good conversation....WITH MYSELF! Since when did I start to talk to myself? I will get an occasional "What?" from the living room. "Oh nothing honey, I am just talking to myself." Psycho

5. Hypochondriac: Do I look lower than yesterday? I better google it. My butt is numb....what does that mean? I will get on google. I have heartburn and I can't lay flat. Something must be wrong. I will get on google. Honey, I think I am losing fluid....oh wait. Nope false alarm I just have to pee. I haven't felt her move in awhile...maybe she has moved and I just didn't notice. Let me lie down and push on her. Oh wait there she goes. I hope my baby doesn't come out with poke marks all over her. Let me google it. I am keeping google in business! I wonder if they could cut me a check?

6. Anxiety Disorder: I seem to have my anxiety attacks in the morning before work or at 2 in the morning when I get up to pee. Now friends, this is not your normal worries that actually matter. This is things like "I hope I packed enough underwear in my hospital bag" or "What is going to happen to the dog when we go to the hospital" or "I hope I don't forget my makeup". But then again, I think this refers back to disorder #2.

So all you soon to be mommas or friends that want a baby some day BEWARE! These may happen to you too! I just hope they fade after, or I will be a walking medicine cabinet and serious entertainment for my family.

The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly

Now that I am in my third trimester I have experienced some different things that I have never encountered before. Some have been good, some bad, and some just flat out ugly!

The Good

• Baby movements- Kinley is beginning to really move especially at night. I no longer feel just a flutter. It has turned into a butt, foot, knee, or elbow. I have also gotten to experience the baby roll and hiccups. Some can be uncomfortable, but I love them anyway.
• Registering- I was a bit nervous going into the store to register. I had heard several comments about how awful it is. For some reason or another, Ike and I really enjoyed it. It made the pregnancy feel real and gave me butterflies to think that she would be here before I knew it.
• Public attention- I know that some do not like this, but I have had so many sweet strangers come up to me and ask when I was due, give me a big smile, or offer me their seat. I don't even mind the belly touches....secretly I kind of like it.
• Project nursery- Decorating has always been fun for me, but now I have the best room in the house to get ready. I am having a blast getting the decor just right and we even made her bedding. It is beautiful! Still in the process of finding creative ways to incorporate Alice In Wonderland here and there....

The Bad

• Acid indigestion- I know I have mentioned this before, but it is so intense that it must be mentioned again. I finally gave in and had my doctor recommend something much stronger than Tums. I am starting on it today and hopefully it will cure it. I have lost countless hours of sleep due to it.
• Back and butt pain- Kinley gets into a position where my whole right side of my body goes numb, but creates a pulsing pain at the same time. All I can do is ride it out and try to move her around. I was told she is on a nerve and that it is normal, but can be extremely painful. She is a pain in the butt already :)
• My growing back side- I went to the doctor yesterday for my 30 week checkup (a few days early) and I have gained exactly 20 lbs. The doctor said that I am all baby, however I have a different opinion. I love my growing belly, but could do without the growing butt. I think my belly and my butt are on a race to the finish. Please stop growing!

The Ugly 

• The doctor scaring the crap out of you- I went into my appointment yesterday for a check-up. I am on an every 2 week schedule now. When I went into the doctor we were expecting some ice the next morning. She went through the routine and then took a seat. She looked at me very seriously and said "so if it ices tomorrow you aren't going to drive, right?" In my mind I knew that if work was on I was going to be there. I uncomfortably laughed and said "sure." She then went on to tell me that if I got in a wreck and the air bag deployed that it could be detrimental to my baby.  Ok so I won't drive...but now that is all I am going to think about every other day I drive!! I have no control over the psycho drivers that are out every day! Thanks Doc!
• Peeing- Embarrassing, but way too funny not to tell....Ike and I had just crawled into bed and I was in a lot of pain due to Kinley's position on my back. I was asking Ike to push on my back and in the middle of a sentence I felt  a sneeze coming on. They always talk about this in the books, but you never think it actually happens. Anyway, mid sentence I sneeze, yelp, and pee all at the same time. Talent! Ike was laughing so hard as I rolled out of bed. It was just a little, but enough to change...which was my biggest complaint. Do you know how long it takes me to change my clothes with this belly? By far the most embarrassing and now one of my favorite moments from the pregnancy.  

• The "i'm better than you" syndrome- When you are pregnant, you already have a lower tolerance for everything. I have found this to be especially true for the people who are the know-it-alls or who are one-uppers. You know the people who have to top you in everything. You never realize how prominent this is in society until you become pregnant. Now some of those who have ever had a baby, are having a baby, or who work with babies are a walking thesaurus who continue to follow you. Now don't get me wrong, I have wonderful friends and family who are so supportive that I love dearly who give me wonderful advice. I am not talking about them....I talking about the other people out there who PUSH. I have listed the 10 comments I have received numerous times that will drive an expectant mother insane.

1. "Oh just you wait....."

2. "Are you going to breast feed? The benefits are..."

3. "Have you got ________ done yet? Oh, well I have!"

4. "You need to get __________ done ASAP"

5. "You have gained how much?" It is always to much or too little

6. "Well you can kiss your sleep goodbye! When that baby comes....."

7. "You need to get this, this, this, and this"

8. "Make sure you watch what you eat!"

9. "Huh, that's not how it was for me"

10. "You're life is about to change and you don't even know it yet"

Now I am not known to be a complainer and I HATE controversy. I would love to live like the "Its A Small World Afterall" at Disney...can't we all just get along? However, the above statements may drive me batty. I know I am new and I have never done this before, but it is all about the journey and figuring it out on my own. Isn't that what life is all about? Maybe it is just me.

Anyway, I am leaving on a lighter note with a little humor in light of the ice day. Enjoy!

Don't Sweat the Small Stuff

Well I am one week away from my third trimester and time is flying! I can honestly say that I have really enjoyed pregnancy so far, although I have had some unpleasant experiences. I know it's a small price to pay, but in a perfect world I would not experience these at all. My pregnancy fears are starting to fade just in time to develop new mommy fears. As I look back over the past 6 months there are a lot of things I took advantage of before I was pregnant. Here are just a few of those things (some in which were a royal pain in the butt before I was pregnant...now I would embrace them).

1. Shaving my legs without taking several breaks- I have not been blessed with a shower seat, therefore I must work around my large lady lumps and continually growing belly. Not a pretty sight and not the least bit fun. I wonder if Ike would shave them for me? I have brought this to several people's attention and they say to just not care so much, however one of my very silly worries is going into labor with hairy legs. Don't laugh....you know you would be the same way.

2. Being able to run. period- I recall a few weeks back when I attempted to run at work. Oh yeah it was cute let me tell you. I was late picking my students up from specials. The bell rang and I was still in my portable. I dashed out of the room and attempted to run my big butt down the sidewalk, which lasted about 30 seconds. I came around the corner huffing and puffing. I stopped and looked around to make sure no one was watching. That was a glorious moment. I have never been so ready to go for a mile run in my life! Once I recover it is to the pavement I go.

3. Eating without thinking I might die-I have always heard of people talking about heartburn and indigestion when they were pregnant. I always brushed it off as something small. It is not until you truly experience pregnancy heartburn that you understand the true agony those women go through. Mine occurs off and on all day, but it is the worst at night. I wake up at night thinking that someone has lit my body on fire. I swear acid is eating away at my esophogus. Can you develop an addiction to Tums? If so, I think I need rehab. The crazy thing is that ANYTHING gives me heartburn...bread, water, air. I cannot wait to have a meal and really enjoy it without consequences.

4. Wearing beautiful shoes- I tried on my brand new, sexy, not so cheap high boots the other day. After trying to zip them up I sat on the end of the tub and cried. I became a 3 year old in that moment. "I'm not going to dinner! I have nothing to wear! I'm going naked!" Ike leaves the room during these moments...it's probably best for the both of us. Anyway all you cute skinny ladies who are rockin the heels, I envy you. Watch out...I just may push you down when you aren't looking :)


5. wining and dining...not whining and dining-I will make this one short and sweet. I cannot wait to have a glass of wine with dinner. Don't take advantage of your yummy glass of Chardonnay with your steak. Also I cannot wait to eat sushi (real sushi). Ike and I always joke that he better be at the hospital with a butterfly kiss roll waiting outside the delivery room. Such a great man :)

Praying for a Miracle

After our 20 week doctor's appointment we began to plan for our little angel. We threw around names, I shopped for nursery ideas, and Ike began to really dig the idea that we were going to have a girl. Everything was perfect....that was until the Monday after rolled around. About 5 days had gone by and I was organizing my classroom at the end of the day. My phone rang and it was a nurse from my doctor's office. I was a bit surprised to see the number pop up on the screen. When I answered she quickly let me know that the doctor had taken a second look at my sono pictures and everything looked normal except for the fact that she had a cyst on her brain. EXCEPT??? I went into panic mode. My heart began to race, I thought I was going to pass out, and I tried to pull it together until I got the details or lack there of. The nurse was very sturn and short letting me know that we had an appointment for the following Thursday and that it was essential that I got off work. I waited for details...none came. I began to get angry and upset. Why was she not giving me any details? I asked her several questions and each came with a short-to the point-answer. I hung up the phone and immediately called Ike. I'm sure I completely freaked him out seeing as though I was not, in any way calm or sane at the moment. He said he was leaving work immediately. When we got home, we both researched the internet up and down. We had family and friends researching as well. We sent out prayer requests and I found myself begging with God. I was desperate. It was by far the worst week of our lives. I would not wish that on anyone.  Thinking back I still do not see how we had enough energy to go to work everyday or much less pull our head's off our pillow every morning. Before we got to Thursday, we gave our angel a name. Kinley Alayne Anderson. We wanted her to have an identity. In some way we felt it would give her a better chance.

When Thursday rolled around, we woke up and anxiously awaited the doctor appointment. I lost it before we walked in, but Ike was so supportive and gave me the courage to go in. We did the usual...urine sample, weight, sitting in a dreaded empty room. Then in walked the doctor. He was a younger man and had a kind look about him.  I will never forget his words before he began the detailed sono.

Dr: "So have you been all over the internet researching?"

Me: "All the time"

Dr: Don't you know that internet is only good for 2 things?" It is good for sports and porn. Everything else should be left up to doctors."

We all cracked up and I knew he was the kind of doctor I liked....one who was not a robot. He was real, human, and just what we needed.

He very carefully checked each part of her body. Her arms, legs, hands, feet,  heart, spine, lady parts, and finally her brain. I think I held my breath as he looked carefully throughout. He looked at Ike and I and said "it's gone." There was no sign of a cyst anywhere. It was there before and now it was gone. He couldn't explain why it had gone away at such a rapid pace. Usually if they disappear, it is usually in the 3rd trimester or after birth.  I can only explain this in one way. PRAYER WORKS, MIRACLES HAPPEN, GOD IS OUT THERE. He told us he didn't want to see us in his office again and gave us a smile. We left the office and as the door closed I burst into tears. Ike and I sat outside the door for a few minutes and soaked it in. Our little girl is healed and healthy.

Blue or Pink

Ike and I went into the doctor for our 20 week sonogram and we anxiously awaited the news...boy or girl? Seeing as though we knew the Anderson's just didn't have girls EVER, we just knew that we were going to be welcoming a sweet baby boy into the world. We had the name, nursery theme, everything! SUPRISE! I believe the conversation with the doctor went something like this,

Dr: "Well do you want to guess what you are having?"

Both of us: "Boy" in unison 

Dr: "Well....it's a little girl!"

Me: "Umm are you sure?"

Dr: "Yes honey I have known for 10 minutes, I just hadn't told you yet. Your little girl is very cooperative!"

Me: Silence.....and then sobs of happiness.

I forgot for a second that Ike was sitting next to me, due to pure shock. I looked over at him and he looked happy yet I noticed an underlying fearful look come across his face. We squeezed each others hands and our hearts were never the same. A sweet precious little girl.

On the way home we called the family and then our friends to let them know the news. It was a surreal moment. After our 100 calls we sat in the car in traffic a little quiet. I looked over at Ike and asked what he was thinking (you know the woman question every man hates). He answered very seriously, "I need to get a gym membership and a concealed handgun license. We are also going to be broke."

I laughed hysterically and knew from that point on that our sweet girl would always be taken care of....and that she was going to have a really hard time dating :)

Tackling The First Trimester

When Ike and I found out that I was pregnant we were thrilled! I had been battling with getting back to normal after going off birth control for over 6 months, so getting a positive on a pregnancy test was a shock. I had gone in for several blood tests before and all came back negative. When I got a positive on the pregnancy test I had just gone in to the lab 2 days before for a blood test. I waited and waited for the call from the doctor Monday morning and to my surprise the blood test came back negative! I went into hysterics and cried all day. How could a pee test come back positive and a blood test come back negative? We were a bit scared and heartbroken. Just to be safe, the doctor went ahead and scheduled another blood test (probably my 30th one) and had us come in. It was the longest 3 days of our life....the waiting was awful! Our dreams became reality when the doctor called the 2nd time to give us the good news. She said that my hormone level must have been lower than when I took the urine test. Supposedly your hormone level doubles daily in pregnancy. Who knew? This was hard for me to believe....that was until the psycho preggo showed up. Before I knew it I was sick, tired, sore, and grumpy. Here is just a few things that I experienced!

1. I was exhausted all the time.....I could barely drag my butt off the couch and work was really hard. I came home everyday and put my comfy pants on immediately.

2. Immediate bloat-I'm not fat people....i'm PREGNANT!

3. Gas- I know gross, but true

4. A visit to the bathroom every 30 minutes including during the night. I swear I was going to pee my pants

5. Sick ALLLLL the time. "Lord please just let me throw up! Get it over with!"

6. Stage 5 clinger! My claws were in and I did not want Ike out of my sight. NEEDY...poor guy

LOVED: Limes, lemons, pickles, pickled okra, chips and queso, sour candy, cheeseburgers, crackers

HATED: the look, smell, and taste of chicken (if there were a stronger word than hate I would have used it) and sweets, especially chocolate
                                                                   
                                                                 The Beginning

At the end of the trimester

Luckily, after 13 weeks I was able to eat what I wanted and a lot of the list above went away...only to bring other things!