A list of lessons

Kinley is already a year and a half! This past year and a half has brought on a lot of self reflection. I think all new moms go through this. It's not just you anymore. When I reflect on high school I see how small that time was. Every problem seemed so big, yet it was so tiny compared to the things I have faced on the outskirts of the town I grew up in. I barely recognize myself from back then to the person I am today. When reflecting on the college years I see how I started to truly live and find out who I was. Even within the past 5 years I have learned a ton about the people around me and how the "real world" works. In celebration for surviving the first year and a half as a new mom, I wrote down these lessons and/or insights I have gained over time so that I may one day share them with Kinley. I am sharing this with you also, so that you may be encouraged to write a list for your son, daughter, or younger family member too. While reading, remember that I am in no way perfect and some of these I am continuing to work on myself.  I am scared that as I grow older I will forget these insights, so now is my time to share!!! Enjoy!

1. Your brain and your heart will often give you a different opinion. In my experience, neither is always right. reflect on what both are telling you and make your choices carefully.

2. I see you like no one else does. My mom always used to tell me that she loves me in a way that she can't explain and that one day I would understand. The past year and a half has made her point crystal clear. There is nothing you could do or say that would change my love for you. My love is endless.

3. The popular choice is not always the right one. Standing alone in a decision is better than standing with others who are choosing wrong.

4. When you are doing something that doesn't feel right then it is probably wrong. Follow your gut.

5. Do not speak unkind words. If you have to whisper for fear of getting caught or fear of hurting others, then don't speak them at all.

6. Be open to others who are different from you politically, religiously, culturally. You just may learn something and realize that you are more alike than you think.

7. Your wedding is something you will look forward to and want to plan years before you meet your match. Just remember that after the party is over you will be left with sore feet and the husband you chose. Choose wisley...I know I did.

8. Peer pressure is a strong force. If you beleive a choice or action is wrong then don't do it. I know it may feel like the world is against you, but I promise later on you won't regret it.

9.  Some choices that you make may make you "uncool" to others, however the same things that made you "uncool" then will be the things you are proudest of later.

10. I promise that the things I do not allow you to do are not because I am out to get you. I am protecting you from things that you cannot protect yourself from yet.

11. You get ONE body. It is yours and yours only. Take care of it and give it respect.

12. You will come in contact with people who do not like you no matter how great I tell you you are. These people will be either bitter or jealous. Be kind to them anyway and continue to live happily.

13. You cannot please everyone. If you try to you will end up being the unhappy one.

14. Spread God's light through actions by showing kindess, unselfishness, and good deeds to others. This will shine through stronger that any words you preach.

15. Sex can wait, I promise. A mom's wish for their daughter is for this irreplacable gift be given to your husband. I know that I cannot protect you from this, however I am going to try. I just ask that you choose very wisely. A huge piece of your heart will be given away that day and you cannot ever get it back.

16. You have filled my life with more joy and love than I can even begin to explain. Thank you for this precious gift.

17. High school is a time you use to find out who you are and how you want to be. Learn from the experiences and use them down the road. Your life is just beginning.

18. Having children is the best blessing live can give you, but you MUST live selfishly first. Experience plenty of life without children, so you can truly enjoy life with them. I am so greatful that I did this.

19. Heartbreak is awful. I believe that it is one of the worst pains you will know. I promise that it WILL pass. Know that when you experience this, I have been there and I am ready to love you through it.

20. Be the bigger person. ALWAYS. You won't regret it and the other person often ends up looking like a fool even if you don't see it.

21. I was born with a gift of seeing people's true intentions and almost always judge a person's character correctly. If you have this gift listen to it.

22. Beauty fades on the outside. Be beautiful on the inside too.

23. Do not change your beliefs, morals, or goals for anyone. If they are meant to be in your life then they will just fit.

24. If your father, mother, or family does not like someone you are dating or hanging out with there is probably a reason. Ask why and actually listen.

25. Speak your mind respectfully and follow your heart. For years I bottled up my thoughts and opinions for fear of being judged. DON'T DO THIS. "Do what you feel in your heart to be right - for you'll be criticized anyway."

SRE Crew!

Blog #1- From teacher to.....well i'm not sure yet

Not-so-quick catch up- I have taught for four years as a second grade teacher. I moved with Ike to OKC and I find myself wondering what in the heck I am going to do with myself. I have said since we got the news that I am going to stay home and nanny. Yes I am still trying to convince myself of this. I have not ever known anything but teaching. What am I thinking? I have the chance to stay home, yet I am still hanging on to the small idea of going back at least part time. Why  would I want to go back you might ask? Because Sendera Ranch Elementary was my home. It was my life and I was good at it. It gave me the ability to act on the compulsion to always be in control (a trait that all teachers have...admit it). It gave me the feeling of being needed. It gave me the comfort of acceptance every day. It gave me the ability to add my personality into small bits and pieces. What is the part I will miss the most though? The badass teacher friends I made along the way ( a perk I have found about not teaching is that I can say badass without feeling a bit of guilt...badass...yep that feels good)! We were there for each other. Even if they weren't on the same team as me. Even if we weren't at the same school together.

I look back and see Wendy and I. We started together from the beginning. I remember going into her room and crying my first year telling her that I didn't know what in the hell I was doing or when I was attacked like a spider monkey in the classroom. I remember when Eli was born and the scare we had when we thought he was coming too early. I also remember meeting her and thinking that she talked really fast...I can now translate Wendy's language for anyone else. We have been through more together than most friends go through. We shared secrets and knew they would say inside the four walls. We just get each other....and I miss that.

I look back at this year and see Heather. Heather was the silent and steady one. I always went to her freaking out or raged by my very short temper. She would listen, shake her head, and give a few words of comfort/advice. She was the momma bird of the group. The one you could go to for anything. She was never stressed, never shaken, and could handle a pack of wild monkey children like no one else. Heather had another side too....one I seem to have brought out in her. We could be completely inappropriate together and know that neither judged. We joked about other things too, but those things cannot be discussed or I would have to kill you.

I look back and see Nicki. She was as loud and as outspoken as me. We were attached to one another (literally our rooms were attached) and we would often find ourselves coming to one another saying the same things! We were different than one another in many ways, yet blended perfectly. When I was shaken she would vent right along with me. When she was shaken, I was there too. The best part about Nicki is that she will make you laugh until you pee your pants. Her laugh is loud and contagious. I will miss laughing along with her next year and I know she will miss this Oklahoma white trash ;)

Now the last person I am going to write a eulogy on is Becky Bragg. She is my partner from the year before and my alter ego. I swear that if I came back to life as someone else, I would come back as her. We are SCARY alike. We can talk about nothing...seriously nothing. It is usually wildly inappropriate and would make most beleieve that we are both insane. I can call her and she will give me an honest answer. She will tell me when I am right and when I am wrong, even if she knows it's not what I want to hear. She gives it to me straight and I do the same for her. She knows me better than most. She knows that I can be a little crazy. She knows I cuss like a sailor. She knows my heart and my intentions. She know the whole me. If you don't know her...you should. She's amazing.

Small side notes about other memories I carry with me:

• Shea and her sweet notes just when you need them. Our venting sessions too.
• The third grade team at last years Christmas party. Y'all were freaking hilarious. I'm pretty sure Cheesecake Factory appreciated that we finally left.
• Kim and her sweet karaoke skills
• Megan and our math video "I love balls!"
• Jean and I at happy hour. Even if it was just us two
• Bev letting me vent...a little too often
• Cheri's voice when she reads to kids. It's pretty special.
• Sarah D and I at daycare duty...and happy hour....and out to dinner
• Michelle and her book....
• Suzie and her talk with me before I got married. Use your imagination.
• Jessica, Mary, and their hilarious convos with Sarah and I at the end of last year
• Hayley and her calling me every time there was a storm. I promise I won't let you die ;)
• Cyndee and I in the storage closet during training trying to be as modest as possible.
• Amy Morgan's dry sense of humor. I wasn't around it much, but when I was I loved it!
• Melissa Bufe's faith- enough said
• Merideth and her funny dry jokes
• Betty always asking about my family in OKC and genuinely caring.
• Tracey speaking up when we were all thinking it
• Lisa in staff development. She was fun, light hearted, and hilarious
• Emma for her sweet voice greeting the kids every day
• Amanda and I sharing looks in the hallway. Will we make it through the day?
• Courtney and her calm voice. She is quiet, but when she talks it means something
• Clair and our coffee visits in the morning
• Valerie on LSU days.
• Christina and her jokes that we all laughed at including her. She is a hoot
• Pat and the awesome art work she always stayed late to hang
• Charity and her stories at lunch. She cracks me up
• Jim and I at Fred Jones training trying to keep a straight face as we gave "the look"
• Jaime and her smile...ALWAYS a smile. Its contagious
• Frank greeting the kids as they came into gym and my comments of "run them to death" more often than not.
• Brandy and her kind heart. She is sincere and a beautiful person.
• Danette these last few months. She is wonderful and I love her opinions. She helped second grade out more than she will ever know.
• Jenn and her sweet voice on the Kinder website a few years ago. It brought me to tears. I only wish I had a voice like that.
• Delany and her awesome attitude. She was always up beat even when I knew it would have been way too much for me to handle so gently.
• And anyone else that I forgot...it was not intentional. I'm sure I have a crazy memory of us too!

I have several other memories that are flooding my brain, however I know I must stop typing an everlasting blog. I hope I covered everyone. My point is this: you all hold a special place in my heart. I am going to resist the temptation to go back to teaching for the sole fact that I am where I need to be. I am with Kinley. Plus, I hardly beleive that I would bond with anyone the way that I did with the SRE crew. You are amazing. Thanks for the memories! That is all.



Life is about to change

I guess the time has come to spread the news....as the song says "it's hard to find the perfect time to say something you know is gonna change everything." After lots of sleepless nights Ike and I have decided to move to Oklahoma City. Ike has accepted a position as a drilling engineer. Over the next 4 months our lives will drastically change. Ike will be leaving for OKC in 3 weeks to start his new career and I will be staying behind to finish my year as a teacher. We will be living separately...I know how hard this is going to be. I think Ike will have the hardest time being away from his sweet baby girl. We got an iPad so he can do FaceTime with us. That way even when he is not with us he can see Kinley. A lot of traveling is in our future! While Ike is away we will be staying with my in laws who have offered to put up with Kinley and I during this time. It will eliminate travel time in the morning and make the days not so lonely. I have the best and most supportive in laws.....without them we may not have had the courage to go. We are hoping to sell the house quickly! We shall see....once we get it sold we will get a rental home. Until then Ike will be living with my father. Lots of questions have been asked about what I will do when I get there. The answer is that I have no idea. Teachers get paid $11,000 less than what I make now and I am somewhat looking at it as a new start. I am driving myself crazy trying to figure out what I want to do. I guess I will cross that bridge when I get there.
I cannot tell you how incredibly bittersweet this is for me. It has always been my dream, even as a little girl, that my family would all be together. My bother and I have been apart since I was 9, my father and I since I was 5, and my mother and step father for the past 2 years. That doesn't even cover the cousins and grandparents. Ike is making one of my wishes come true and one of his! He is becoming an engineer just as he wanted to be. We know that it will open many doors and create a better life in the long run. Financially we will be able to support Kinley through college and become more stable. On the other hand, we are leaving the only thing we have ever known and leaving behind Ike's parents and his brother. My heart is so torn and aches for the pain I know they will feel when they miss Kinley. I feel guilt every time I think about it and know that there are many more tears to come. I pray every night that their hearts find comfort. I know how much I miss my family....so I know how much they will miss us.

As for now, we are taking it a day at a time. We will miss our friends and family here dearly, but will visit often and they can visit us. Stay tuned for the updates.... It will be quite the ride!